63. [BIRTH STORY] WITH TAYLOR - BIRTH CENTER TO UNASSISTED BIRTH - BRAIN CANCER DX AND BIRTH SHARE A COMMON THREAD - TAKE IT ONE MOMENT AT A TIME
Today's story medicine is a full spectrum share. Taylor had two beautiful natural births. Just three weeks postpartum with her second she almost died from complications of an undiagnosed brain tumor.
Taylor is a friend and a member of my crunchy mom community here in Maine. She is a vibrant, loving, generous, spunky soul and I am so grateful to know her.
She candidly shares about both the beautiful and the hard parts of life, birth, and facing a terminal prognosis. The moments in our lives when the veil is thin, in birth and death, inevitably offer incredible wisdom. Her story is a gift.
If you would like to donate to any of her resource funds, they are linked below.
"I'm a 28 year old mom of two figuring out this magical life while navigating terminal brain cancer with a holistic approach.
I’m an ex-medical assistant, ex-busy body and ex-perfectionist gone total crunchy mama. I love all things nature, birth story medicine, and adventure.
Walking through life learning to take each moment in its fullest as it comes."
Insta: @taylorw_wildmama
Links:
GoFundMe: https://gofund.me/e0c8e0c6
Amazon Wish List: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3GKSGQW40CPKY?ref_=wl_share
Meal Train: https://mealtrain.com/73wvq1
Find me on instagram @birth.advocate and all of my offerings on my website www.birthadvocate.me
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Music The Ancients (feat. Loga Ramin Torkian) by Azam Ali
Disclaimer:
The information and resources provided by me are not intended to constitute or replace medical or midwifery advice or a Mother’s intuition. Instead, all information provided is intended for education purposes only. My advice is not to be seen as medical diagnosis or to treat any medical illness or condition of Mother or baby/fetus.
EMILY: I have decided to run an 11 week live home birth mentorship beginning July 1st.
This is for the woman who is willing and eager to do the deep work within herself to prepare body, mind and soul for the birth of not just a baby, but the mother and a family.
This is for the woman who knows she is here to break the pattern of fear, disembodiment and disempowerment within her lineage line.
This is for the woman who acknowledges that life is a sacred ceremony and that she is the one who gets to make choices that will shape her along her soul evolution.
This is for the conscious woman who has not yet conceived or is pregnant and is seeking to be witnessed and held in community.
This is for the woman who can feel the enormity of her responsibility to gestate and bring forth life and to embrace the metamorphosis that she is destined for.
She is ready to become the mother of this child.
This is for the woman who values mentorship, sisterhood and sacred space holding. This is for she who is ready to claim her pregnancy and birth as a sacred and sovereign rite of passage and already feels that mama bear energy that will do anything in her power to gift her baby a birth imprint of complete love and safety.
EMILY: This is also for all the nerds out there.
EMILY: We dive into the soul, but boy.
EMILY: Do we hit up the science too.
EMILY: In my own pregnancy, I spent my time discerning what information would serve the highest vision for my birth. Of course I plan to birth in complete sovereignty. And sovereignty means self governing.
It does not mean totally alone or without a wise woman or community for counsel. Although if that's your vibe, this course is still for you.
As a former nurse of nearly 15 years, I was quite clear on my legal rights and how to advocate for myself and I chose a midwife that I had an alignment with and I surrounded myself with other women planning a home birth.
I waded through that vast ocean of research and opinions and I found what.
EMILY: I was looking for.
EMILY: I walk you through, step by step, the journey from uncertainty to to confidence, from fear to self trust,
from isolation to being fully supported by a community.
The journey from uncertainty to confidence begins with her story. I believe women and men need to understand how birth became medicalized and fear mongered. We do a lot of myth busting in this course.
I believe the journey from fear to self trust lies in the deep, deeply embedded internal belief system that we have about what it means to be a woman.
We take a look at your own personal red thread, maternal lineage and your.
EMILY: Relationship to Your menstrual cycle, it's all.
EMILY: Relative to birth, believe me.
We explore the intricacies of birth imprints and what a rite of passage really means. We unearth all of this prior to diving into the physiology and tangible preparation for birth and postpartum.
I did the legwork for you. Let me show you the map. All of my embodied knowledge is jam packed inside this 11 week program.
Head to the link in the show notes for a peek inside the course content.
This is everything that I cover with my in person clients packaged into 11 weeks. I will basically be your virtual doula and private birth mentor.
This is a soul journey.
This is about the birth of the mother.
Are you ready?
You will receive 11 weeks of intensive course material and you will have lifetime access.
There will be journal prompts, multimedia resources and plenty of home play.
Every single week for 11 weeks. We will have a live zoom where I will teach, live and also have.
EMILY: A Q and A.
EMILY: And then after that, I'm granting everyone six months access to my monthly virtual village Q and A. So leading up to the birth and even in those early postpartum days, you can pop into the virtual village monthly Q and A session and ask me anything you want.
There will also be an intimate community of deeply conscious women.
Snag my ridiculously low early early bird price before May 13th or the early bird price before June 1st.
The journey begins July 1st. I'll see you on the inside.
TAYLOR: And as soon as he told me her ETA was 30 minutes, I was like, okay, she's on her way. Head's coming out. And I said that to him and he jumped right in the tub, which was a huge deal for him because he wanted nothing to do with that.
TAYLOR: Fully clothed.
TAYLOR: I'm talking socks, sweatpants, sweatshirt, beanie on. And he's like feeling.
TAYLOR: And her head came out and he's.
TAYLOR: Like, okay, I have her head in my hand. And he's like, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. And I was just howling this baby out. I didn't make a peep with Finley.
I held everything in and I was just like, I'm completely surrendering and I'm howling this baby out instinctually this time. And that's what I did.
Speaker E: Welcome to Soul Evolution. My name is Emily, also known as the Birth Advocate. I walk alongside women choosing a deeply spiritual, instinctual, physiological mother led conception, pregnancy, labor, birth and postpartum experience.
I am a retired nurse, a health coach, a women's circle and ceremony facilitator, and the host of this podcast.
Here we dive deep to reclaim our rights of passage with a big dose of birth story medicine, intentionally curious conversations with embodied wisdom keepers, and a sprinkle of polarity as we will hold space for our men from time to time too.
I hope you find nourishment through your soul Here I alone schedule, record, edit and produce this beautiful labor of love. If you're enjoying the content, please let me know by rating and reviewing or consider a donation to help cover the cost of production.
Better yet, you can purchase my amazing comprehensive course, so youo Want a Home Birth. Your complete guide to an empowering, physiological birth. You will walk away feeling ready body, mind and soul.
Soul knowing that everything you need to birth your baby already exists within you. Your questions will be answered, guaranteed. I walk you through, step by step, exactly how to prepare yourself, your partner, and your home for the most incredible experience you get to have in this lifetime.
Birth is a sacred rite of passage worthy of honoring. Do not leave it up to chance.
Speaker F: And stay tuned after the show to.
Speaker E: Learn all about my Beyond Adola offerings, both in person and virtually worldwide. You can find me on Instagram, Earth Advocate and my website, BirthAdvocate me.
Everything will be linked in the show notes. Now let's drop in to today's episode.
EMILY: Welcome, Taylor, to my podcast. This is so fun. You reached out to me just this morning and said that you wanted to tell your story and I was like, amazing. I just had a cancellation come on today, so you are just hopping on with me and I'm so grateful because your birth stories are so beautiful.
We. I'll start by maybe just introducing what I know of you.
We were basically pregnant at the exact same time you gave birth. The full moon before I gave birth. Gave birth on the full moon of September. So you worked at my midwife's office.
You worked at the front desk. And so I would see you every month when I went in and you were just this sweet, precious, loving energy there in that office.
We won't say more about that.
It was a good time.
TAYLOR: It sure was.
EMILY: Yeah.
TAYLOR: And then.
EMILY: Yeah, and then you gave birth. So we kind of like journeyed through that first postpartum experience together, reaching out to each other.
EMILY: And then you got pregnant with your.
EMILY: Second and at the last minute, like reached out to me to kind of be a support. And I won't spoil the story here, but yeah, it's been a journey together with you, Taylor, walking through, becoming mothers.
EMILY: And living in Maine.
EMILY: And yeah, it's been quite a journey. I'm just. I'm really honored to know you. I'm so grateful that you're in our community. And if you would please just introduce yourself. Pick up where I left off,
fill in the blanks.
TAYLOR: I never would have thought it was so.
TAYLOR: I'm so glad I met you while.
TAYLOR: I was working at the birth center, because at the time, I knew absolutely.
TAYLOR: Nothing about natural physiological birth.
TAYLOR: I just was miserable in my job.
TAYLOR: And wanted to find a new job.
TAYLOR: And I've met some amazing people through.
TAYLOR: The birth center, and now it's really cool that our kids get to go to preschool together. Yeah.
TAYLOR: So grateful for that and the community that you've built for all of us moms and.
EMILY: Yeah.
TAYLOR: I'm so, so lucky to know you.
EMILY: Oh, well, the feeling is certainly mutual.
EMILY: I always feel like. Too, I have to say a little caveat. Like, I don't know if it's just my own thing. It's a forest preschool.
TAYLOR: Yes.
EMILY: Our children are not in some typical preschool. It is, like, the coolest thing ever. They have a yurt. They have, like, a forest to play in with a little creek that runs through and the teachers.
It's like Waldorf inspired. It's. It's so cool. Yeah, I know. Little Finley loves it, too.
TAYLOR: Yes.
EMILY: Yeah. So let's. Let's dive in. You talk to me about, like, your beliefs about pregnancy, like, your. I mean, your. Your beliefs about birth and, like, what you were planning for your birth and how you ended up deciding to hire a midwife and have a home birth or a birth center birthday.
TAYLOR: So I originally, straight out of high school, was going to college for nursing, and I just have to throw this.
TAYLOR: Part in there because it makes me laugh. The day that I was supposed to.
TAYLOR: Be at my first vaginal birth in clinical is the day that I dropped.
TAYLOR: Out of nursing school because I was.
TAYLOR: Like, I absolutely want nothing to do with this. Like, birth is disgusting. It terrifies me.
I'm done.
And fast forward to having my very first baby, all natural, at a birth center.
That wasn't my plan originally. I had started my care at the local hospital.
And again, like I said, I knew nothing about physiological birth other than this one woman who I had followed on Instagram. She had her babies at home, and I would sob every time I watched the videos, but I was like, that could never be me.
And so I was doing traditional standard care,
and I was watching a friend.
TAYLOR: Of mine post about doing a fresh.
TAYLOR: Test because I was kind of aligning with the crunchy. I don't want to drink that yucky glucola stuff already. From the get go.
TAYLOR: And my OB had kind of given.
TAYLOR: Me a hard time about it. And she was like, that stuff's not FDA approved. And I was like, I paid for this.
TAYLOR: I have pamphlets to prove it.
TAYLOR: Like, if you don't let me drink.
TAYLOR: This today, I'm just gonna go home.
TAYLOR: And she ended up letting me give.
TAYLOR: It a go and then asked for the pamphlet afterwards so she could share it with other.
TAYLOR: Other patients, which had me very surprised.
TAYLOR: Cause that was the first time ever.
TAYLOR: That I was like, okay, I've gotta.
TAYLOR: Stand up for myself.
TAYLOR: Like, this is really important to me.
TAYLOR: And.
TAYLOR: Yeah. So after that, I got my first.
TAYLOR: Anatomy scan and everything was going well. I didn't have any issues throughout the pregnancy. But I got a call saying that they were going to be shutting down.
TAYLOR: The hospital and that I was going to need to transfer to a different hospital because their last week open was about like two weeks from my due date.
EMILY: Was this just the labor and delivery department?
TAYLOR: Yeah, the whole.
TAYLOR: Well, the whole women's health center itself was shutting down, including labor and delivery.
EMILY: That's so crazy. This is happening all over the state of Maine, all over the United States, probably all over the world. Labor and delivery departments are shutting down. And this is a real problem.
TAYLOR: Yeah.
EMILY: Which I'm really kind of, like, hopeful that maybe.
TAYLOR: Maybe it's a group thing.
EMILY: Yeah.
TAYLOR: But also scary and sad. Right.
EMILY: Right.
TAYLOR: Yeah. So I. There's another local hospital within 10 minutes from the original planned place. But I had heard of someone having.
TAYLOR: To have their baby in the ER.
TAYLOR: Because there wasn't enough beds and enough staff. And I just knew that I did.
TAYLOR: Not want to do that.
TAYLOR: I went from wanting to be a nurse and be in the hospital doing like trauma to I don't even want to be around a hospital building if I don't have to.
And at the time, I was working in pediatrics,
and I just was miserable in my job.
I didn't know if it was just because I was pregnant, but I had.
TAYLOR: Heard of this naturopathic office. I didn't even know it was a.
TAYLOR: Birth center at the time because my.
TAYLOR: Friend had gone to meet with the.
TAYLOR: Doctor there and she did this whole food sensitivity test, which I thought was the coolest thing in the world at the time. And I was like, I need to do this stuff.
And I emailed the office and I was like, I don't know if you.
TAYLOR: Even hire medical assistants.
TAYLOR: I've never even been to your office. But I am totally into herbs and natural medicine. And this is like a dream Job of mine.
TAYLOR: If you would ever consider hiring a medical assistant, reach out.
TAYLOR: And they emailed me back that day, and I decided to go in for.
TAYLOR: An interview the next day.
TAYLOR: And I quit my job at the pediatric office, like, immediately. And when I went in for my interview, I didn't even know what a birth center was. I mean, I did, but not fully.
And I. The first thing they did was bring me back to the birth center, and there was this beautiful Jacuzzi tub and, like, a whole room, kitchen, living room area.
And I was like, oh, my gosh, this is where I have to have my baby again. Knew nothing about natural birth, but I was like, nope, I know it. I can feel it.
This is what I need to do. And so I just love that about you, Taylor.
EMILY: I just wanted to say, like, you do. Like, you get those feelings in your body, like, this is what I need to do. And then you say yes. And I'm just.
I love that so much. Okay.
TAYLOR: Yeah. I hadn't read a single book. I hadn't listened to a single podcast at this point. And I was about. I want to say I was 28 weeks pregnant, because that was the other thing.
I was like, by the way, I'm 28 weeks pregnant. A lot of places don't want to hire people when they're that far along. And so it just seemed like it was the perfect, magical fit for me.
And, yeah, I decided that from there on out, we were gonna have our baby there. And my husband also knew nothing about birth in general, but he just went with the flow.
And,
yeah, all in one, I left my job, started my dream job, and.
TAYLOR: Then decided to have my baby there.
TAYLOR: And that was the best decision I could have ever made for myself.
I think at the. I'll get into my birth story, but at the time, I think not knowing.
TAYLOR: Was the best thing.
TAYLOR: That also happened to me, too, because I just learned to completely surrender,
which then made my second birth knowing a lot more, almost harder. Which I was like, this is going.
TAYLOR: To be a walk in the park.
EMILY: But, yeah, yeah, I remember we had. We were offered that. That birth course that Dola came in to teach us.
TAYLOR: Yes.
EMILY: And we were sitting there, and you were like, yeah, I haven't done anything. And I think we were getting, like, kind of close to the end of our pregnancy. I forget how far along, but, like, you know, I was like, oh, you haven't done anything?
TAYLOR: No, the only thing. So at the end, I started listening to the natural birth podcast because one of the patients had come in and she was like, I highly suggest looking.
TAYLOR: Into this, this and this.
TAYLOR: And I was like, okay, well I.
TAYLOR: Might as well start listening to a podcast. So I would listen to birth stories.
TAYLOR: And cry my whole way into work every single morning.
But it was beautiful. And that was really only the preparing that I did up until that little birth class that we took. And I think I was,
I think I was 37 weeks pregnant at that time. So I was very close. I was very far along.
EMILY: Yeah, yeah. So let's dive into, unless there's anything else you want to say, like first signs of early labor and how it unfolded for you.
TAYLOR: Yeah.
TAYLOR: So I had really, I think around 36 weeks. I thought I was going to try to work up until I was going.
TAYLOR: Into labor because I was working where I was going to have the baby.
TAYLOR: So I had all the things I needed at the birth center, like the car seat, my bag.
But around 36 weeks, I just really was like, nope, I want to fully surrender.
I remember the doula that was teaching.
TAYLOR: Our birth class mentioning to watch a.
TAYLOR: Movie that's going to make you ugly cry. And so I was trying to do all the things.
TAYLOR: I would put my headphones in every.
TAYLOR: Morning when I woke up and I would listen to hypnobirthing and I would.
TAYLOR: Start diffusing Clary Sage and Rosemary and.
TAYLOR: Just bounce on my ball all day long. And the movie that got me, sad crying. I just watched the Ina May documentary on Amazon because I was like, okay. And I had read Ina maze.
I spent the last two weeks pregnant, circling laps in my cousin's pool, reading in a maze guide to childbirth, just.
TAYLOR: Reading all of the positive stories, trying.
TAYLOR: To flood my mind.
TAYLOR: And I just remember going to visit.
TAYLOR: At my old job, the pediatric office, and I kept telling them, well, there's a full moon and I'm pretty sure I'm going to go into labor that day. And they're like, oh, hahaha.
And I remember checking the full moon.
It was August 12th and the full.
TAYLOR: Moon was at 9.30pm And I remember.
TAYLOR: Laying in bed just like staring at my phone and trying to like, will a contraction to happen because I had no other.
I never got signs like no bloody show. I never lost my mucus plug.
But yeah, full moon was at 9:36. And then I was like, you just.
TAYLOR: Need to rest and go to sleep.
TAYLOR: You might not even go into labor tonight. Like, you can't just decide your your birth night.
EMILY: When was your 40 week mark?
TAYLOR: I believe August 15th. Okay, yeah, it was August 15th. Everyone's like, you always gonna go past with your first baby, right?
EMILY: Right.
TAYLOR: Yeah.
EMILY: We were like exactly the same though. Cause I was September 15th.
TAYLOR: Yeah.
EMILY: And then we both went on the phone. That's just crazy.
TAYLOR: The funny thing is too, is my best friend was also due August 15th. And we both had our babies August 12th.
EMILY: Oh, yeah.
TAYLOR: But about exactly an hour later, I remember waking up, thought I felt like.
TAYLOR: A little bit of a cramp.
TAYLOR: And it was exactly 10:36, like an.
TAYLOR: Hour after the full moon.
TAYLOR: And I was a very restless, pregnant sleeper. So I was usually up between 1 and 3. And I was just laying there and I started getting pretty consistent contractions right off the bat.
I remember I went out into the living room, I sat on the couch, because that's pretty much where I spent my whole pregnancy. That first time I was very sick.
I threw up every single day.
Oh, it was so awful.
And I remember downloading a contraction timer. Cause I hadn't even had that on my phone yet. And very quickly it was like every five minutes.
And that went on for a few hours. And then it hit the point where.
TAYLOR: It'S like, okay, you should head to the hospital.
TAYLOR: And I was just like, no, there's.
TAYLOR: Absolutely no way, like, this is my.
TAYLOR: First baby and I'm not going to.
TAYLOR: Call my midwife yet.
TAYLOR: It's the middle of the night. One, she's my boss. Two, she's my midwife. I don't want to wake her up yet. And I wasn't really sure if this was really even labor,
but I wanted.
TAYLOR: To get into a hot shower. And then I spent probably about a good two or three hours just kind.
TAYLOR: Of swaying in the shower and riding everything out. And I remember things starting to get.
TAYLOR: A little more intense.
TAYLOR: But still hadn't lost my mucus plug. No bloody show.
TAYLOR: My water hadn't broken.
TAYLOR: So I was like, okay, this is probably just the very slow start of the beginning. And my husband's alarm went off at.
TAYLOR: Quarter of five in the morning.
TAYLOR: And I hadn't slept since 10:30. And I was like, I think you.
TAYLOR: Should stay home from work today.
TAYLOR: I think I might be in labor. And he was like, oh my gosh.
TAYLOR: What?
TAYLOR: Why didn't you wake me up all night? And I was just really in my zone and doing my own thing. And that's what felt good for me. I had kind of pictured, like I wanted him there for support during the.
TAYLOR: Birth, but I kind of wanted to.
TAYLOR: Just go through labor completely on my own. And around 7:00, he was like, have you called your midwife yet. And I was like, no,
she's just gonna tell us that we need to.
TAYLOR: Stay home for a little longer.
TAYLOR: And around seven, I was like, okay, it's early enough in the morning. She's probably awake getting ready for the day. And since I worked at the office, I knew I needed to give her.
TAYLOR: A heads up so we could cancel any patients that might be coming in. Because I needed to go into the birth center.
TAYLOR: And I was kind of at that point where I was like, okay, we're going to get in the car for 40 minutes. I don't really want to be sitting in the car.
And she was listening to me over the phone and she's like, I still think we have a little bit of time.
TAYLOR: And that was around 7:00.
TAYLOR: She's like, I definitely think you're in labor. And around nine, I was like, okay, we're coming to the birth center. I'm ready to get there and get settled in. And wasn't nervous at all at this point.
I was just ready to get there because I knew once I was there, I'd be able to now fully surrender and hopefully have this baby.
I had envisioned myself walking around the little garden at the office,
pretty much my whole labor. But as soon as I got there, I was. The contractions were really picking up and I tried to go outside and walk, and I couldn't even walk.
TAYLOR: I was taking a few steps and.
TAYLOR: Then I was like having to, like, barrel down onto my husband. And so I was like, let's just go inside.
I hadn't eaten much. I tried to make a smoothie in the middle of the night because I knew I needed to, like, nourish myself.
TAYLOR: And give some energy because it was.
TAYLOR: Going to be along, along however many hours, but I couldn't really get anything down.
TAYLOR: And then I remember the midwife offering.
TAYLOR: Me these Bomba peanut snacks that you give toddlers. And it was just so bad. I was. I tried to eat them and I was standing over the sink and I thought I was going to be sick at that point.
And I just kind of labored for another few hours.
It's almost hard to remember at this point. It feels so long ago. It wasn't even that long.
EMILY: Just about three years, like lifetimes ago, though.
TAYLOR: Yeah. And I think she had called the backup midwife at that point. And my husband, I told them that I was ready to get into the tub.
TAYLOR: And she's like, are you sure?
TAYLOR: It might be a little soon? And I was like, no, I'm ready.
TAYLOR: To get in that water.
EMILY: So you hadn't had any internal exams or anything like that?
TAYLOR: No. Um, actually, I'm glad you mentioned that. So at one point I did. I think we had been there for maybe at the birth center for two or three hours,
and she had offered.
TAYLOR: To do a check. She's like, you do not have to, but if you want to.
TAYLOR: And at that point, I was kind of like, I think I'm ready to kind of just see maybe how far along I am. And in my head, I was like, oh, my gosh, she's going to tell me this number, and then I'm going to panic and be like, I have so much longer to go.
And so I was completely naked. I remember my husband. He's like, you don't want to leave your robe on or your bra? And I'm like, no, I wanted nothing on me.
No. But honestly, I was the most laid back,
chill pregnant person. I was just happy. And so I wasn't. I thought I was going to be.
TAYLOR: Yelling at my husband and angry with.
TAYLOR: Him, but not at all.
So I had her do a check. And I remember her telling me that was probably going to be pretty uncomfortable, but to take a deep breath in, and it was nothing.
So I was like, okay, I'm fine.
TAYLOR: I'm probably not even far along. And she's like, you're about 7 or 8 centimeters.
TAYLOR: And so I was like, holy crap. Okay. I thought you were going to tell me two or three. So this was way better in my head. I'm like, I can do this a little longer.
And I got in the water,
and at that point, contractions were coming pretty steadily. I'm not quite sure what time it was. I know the baby was born at 3:51,
I think.
TAYLOR: I labored in the tub for about an hour.
TAYLOR: And I had her crank the AC.
TAYLOR: On because I was sweating. Yeah.
TAYLOR: And so she wrapped my husband up in a warm, snuggly blanket on the couch or on the bed that was in the birth room. And he fell right asleep,
dead asleep. And I got up.
EMILY: That's so funny because he slept all night.
TAYLOR: Yeah.
It was like in panic mode, I think.
So he just kind of shut down. That's what he does when he's nervous. He shuts down and he goes into a deep sleep. He can fall asleep like that. And she tucked him in, so of course she set him up for that.
But I.
I was laying back in the water with a cloth on my head. And I remember just each contraction was.
TAYLOR: Super intense at this point.
TAYLOR: I was having pretty severe back labor. Every time I would have a contraction.
TAYLOR: It would bring me to my hands and my knees.
TAYLOR: And it had started to get pretty painful. And I was feeling like I was ready to push, but still I was like, my water hasn't broke. There's no blood. There's no signs of anything.
But I'm like, every birth is so different. So I'm trying to wake my husband.
TAYLOR: Up, and I'm like, yelling his name.
TAYLOR: I'm like, spencer, hello.
TAYLOR: And he just can't hear me.
TAYLOR: And so I put my washcloth in the tub and I just throw it right out of it. Wake him up with a big wet washcloth. And I'm like,
to go get the.
TAYLOR: Midwife, because I feel like I need to push.
TAYLOR: And so he goes out and he's.
TAYLOR: Looking for her, and he comes back.
TAYLOR: He'S like, oh, I can't find her.
Okay. And so I text her and I'm like, hey, I'm starting to feel like I need to push.
And she comes in. At that point, the other midwife had arrived.
I think we were.
I don't really remember.
TAYLOR: I don't think the Doppler bothered me.
TAYLOR: At all because I let her do it the whole time.
TAYLOR: I don't remember how often we were.
TAYLOR: Doing it, but it didn't seem to bother me. So I was just like, yeah, whatever you need to do.
And at that point, we had decided we were going to try to get me onto the toilet because I had.
TAYLOR: Been in the tub. I must have been in there for.
TAYLOR: A few hours, a lot longer than I thought I was.
And so we got me up onto the toilet and I was facing backwards, like, holding onto the tank of it. And I was having some pretty, like, pushy contractions. At that point, I thought I was gonna have the baby in the toilet.
And I was just, at that point, fully surrendered. And I'm like, whatever happens is gonna happen.
And so the back labor was really intense.
TAYLOR: So I had agreed to do the sterile water injection.
TAYLOR: And they told me it was gonna hurt, but I didn't think it was gonna hurt that bad. And I think that was worse than labor itself.
I. It was really hard for my husband, too.
TAYLOR: Cause they put it in and I.
TAYLOR: Just screamed bloody murder. It stung so bad,
so bad to the point that I was like, I will never do that again, ever.
And it worked because after that, I was like, I need to get back into the tub. And so I got in the tub and I started pushing.
In my mind, I think it was Almost immediately.
TAYLOR: If not, it was very quickly after.
TAYLOR: I had gotten in there, or I was on my hands and knees and I felt like I just needed that, like, that instinctual urge to reach down. And I wanted to feel what was going on because I'm like, okay, I know at that point I had heard plenty birth stories.
And I was like, I know that.
TAYLOR: Her head is probably going to start.
TAYLOR: To come in and out and I need not to panic when that's happening. Because I was like, it's so normal.
TAYLOR: For the head to come out a.
TAYLOR: Little bit and then go back in. So I had reached down and I was kind of feeling that, but I felt this big bulge and I was like, what the heck is that?
And so my midwife had checked and she said that I had a little bit of a cervical lip and that my water hadn't broken. So what I was feeling was the sac.
And so that made a lot of sense. And I was like, okay. And that made me feel better. And so I just took a couple deep breaths and I started pushing.
TAYLOR: And her head started coming out.
TAYLOR: And my husband, at that point, we were like, he didn't really want to do any catching or be involved.
TAYLOR: We thought he was going to pass out.
TAYLOR: And he was like, I want to catch her. So the midwife guided the baby out.
TAYLOR: And he caught her and she was actually born in her sack, which was really cool.
TAYLOR: They sealed it off of her.
TAYLOR: Yeah.
TAYLOR: And I hadn't even known anything about.
TAYLOR: On call births before this.
TAYLOR: And it is so magical and special and it was so cool.
And she just.
It was a lot easier than I thought. I remember I pushed a few times. I didn't push for very long. I don't even think it was half an hour.
I thought I was gonna throw up everywhere. That's what I was nervous about. And I was dry heaving while I was pushing, but I never threw up, so I was proud of myself for that.
And she was pink and happy and screaming and it was great. And I was trying to nurse her right away.
TAYLOR: We were just kind of sitting there.
TAYLOR: And time had started to go by. I guess it had been about, I think about an hour.
And I just kind of forgot I couldn't get my placenta out. And so I was working really, really hard.
TAYLOR: And I ended up giving the baby.
TAYLOR: To my husband because we were going.
TAYLOR: To get me out of the tub.
TAYLOR: At this point, because I think I was in there for about an hour. And we moved me to the birth stool and we even tried putting some herbs in the Toilet.
And I had some. I remember, had been about two and a half hours at that point. And they were like, okay, we really need to get your placenta out. Let's try some other things.
TAYLOR: Are you open to Pitocin?
EMILY: And were you bleeding at all or just the placenta hadn't come out yet.
TAYLOR: I wasn't really bleeding much. Just like, a tiny bit of, like, normal, what you would expect after birth,
but no blood at all. So in the back of my mind, I started to kind of panic a little. I'm like, okay, what if I'm going to hemorrhage? But I was just kind of in la la land at the same time.
I was just in the zone of doing whatever I. They said I should do. And so they're like, we should try some Pitocin, because nothing else is really working right now.
TAYLOR: I know.
TAYLOR: I tried herbs, too. I don't remember any of what they.
TAYLOR: Were giving me now.
TAYLOR: It was probably, like, angelica or. I don't even remember, but I let them drop whatever in my mouth. We tried to go to the bathroom,
and I remember the midwife stuck me with the Pitocin, and she went down.
TAYLOR: Way too low and missed and pulled it out and then had to stick me again.
TAYLOR: And I just remember that being like, what the heck?
And at that point in my head, too, like, I said, I hadn't educated myself, so I was like, oh, my gosh. I just got stuck with Pitocin.
TAYLOR: I know how bad pitocin is because.
TAYLOR: I was thinking of, like, getting a pitocin drip. And I'm like, this is. I started to get nervous then.
And at that point, my midwife had offered to do a catheter because we.
TAYLOR: Were maybe thinking my bladder was full and that was kind of blocking the.
TAYLOR: Placenta because I had zero cramps, zero urge to push. I was pushing harder to get that thing out than I feel like I did to push out my baby.
EMILY: And I just want to ask, were you.
Was it mostly the midwives kind of encouraging you and urging you to get it out? Were you feeling any, like, concern or worry or, like. Like, what did you instinctually want to do?
Just, like, hold your baby and. Or, like, I'm just curious about.
TAYLOR: I feel like I kind of went into, like, a different world because I honestly wasn't even. I was thinking about my baby, but I knew she was safe with my.
TAYLOR: Husband right next to me.
TAYLOR: And they.
TAYLOR: So they had tried to do some nipple stimulation, too.
TAYLOR: At one point, my husband was massaging one of my nipples, and the midwife was massaging the other. And I just remember laying there, and I'm like, this is not. This doesn't feel right.
EMILY: Yeah.
TAYLOR: And that's when they had offered to catheterize me. But at that point, I was kind of coming out of that adrenaline.
TAYLOR: It had been three hours, and I.
TAYLOR: Was like, I don't want anyone touching me at all. And at that point, she had told me that I tore a little bit.
TAYLOR: And that I was gonna need a few sutures if I wanted.
TAYLOR: And so I was already just like, okay, I don't wanna be touched anymore.
TAYLOR: She also told me she could reach.
TAYLOR: In and try and help guide my placenta out. And I remember her telling me that it probably wouldn't feel comfortable and it might hurt. And that just kind of threw me over the edge.
And I was like, I don't wanna do this anymore. And my husband at that point was.
TAYLOR: Really freaked out, and he had started.
TAYLOR: To tear up a little bit.
TAYLOR: And he's like, she's safe.
TAYLOR: I just want to make sure you're safe.
And at that point, I was just like, I just want to go to the hospital because I had kind of in the back of my head, started.
TAYLOR: To get the fear of hemorrhaging because.
TAYLOR: My mom hemorrhaged when I was born.
TAYLOR: So in my head, I was like.
TAYLOR: Oh, that's going to happen to me. So at three hours old, we packed.
TAYLOR: Up the baby in the car seat.
TAYLOR: Because it wasn't an emergency. So we didn't call for an ambulance or anything. The midwife called over to labor and delivery at the hospital and was kind.
TAYLOR: Of like, hey, this is what's going on.
TAYLOR: We're going to come over.
So my husband and my midwife drove us over, and I remember trying to shuffle to the car because I had. The cord was just hanging out of me and it was wrapping between my legs.
And at that point, I was traumatized by that thing. I'm like, I just want this to be over.
So they got us into a room right away when we arrived at the hospital. And at that point, I was terrified that they were going to be like.
TAYLOR: You have to stay and you can't.
TAYLOR: Go home with your baby, and da, da, da, da. And I had told them that I.
TAYLOR: Wanted to try to pee because I.
TAYLOR: Was kind of feeling like I had the urge to at that point. And they wanted me to pee in.
TAYLOR: A bedpan laying down.
TAYLOR: And I was like, I think I want to get up. I'm pretty capable.
TAYLOR: I can move around right now.
TAYLOR: And so I went to the bathroom. I had tried at the birth center.
TAYLOR: To pee a few times, and I just couldn't because everything was so swollen.
TAYLOR: And I was able to finally pee.
And on the toilet, I had them get me up and bring me to the toilet. And I got back into the bed, and I was trying to nurse my baby at that time.
I had her on my chest the whole time I was in the hospital room,
and she was like, okay, I.
TAYLOR: Need you to push really hard. And I remember getting frustrated with her.
TAYLOR: And I'm like, I'm pushing as hard as I'm pretty sure. I said, I'm pushing as hard as I effing can.
And with a little bit of a tug, my placenta after that came right out, and I didn't bleed at all. So she did ended up doing a few sutures there because my midwife was like, honestly, she's probably going to be a lot faster than I am.
And I'm like, I'm already here. I've already got my legs and stirrups. Just let's get this done. I want to go home.
TAYLOR: And so they sutured me up and.
TAYLOR: Let us leave right away and go back to the birth center because we hadn't done any physical exams, really, on.
TAYLOR: Me or the baby at that time.
TAYLOR: Which I wasn't worried about at all. So that was a good feeling. And, yeah, that was.
TAYLOR: I had.
TAYLOR: At that point, I kind of felt like I had failed at the birth.
And now just looking. Looking back at it, I'm like, totally not a fail. All its feelings were valid, and I. There were a lot of things I could have done differently and not had.
TAYLOR: To have gone to the hospital.
TAYLOR: But at that time, in that moment, that's what felt right for us. And I think I'm glad. I'm glad that we did. I'm glad things worked out the way they did and my baby was healthy and we got to go home and.
TAYLOR: Everything was good from there.
EMILY: Yeah.
EMILY: Yeah. I know you did a lot of beautiful healing and processing around that before your second birth. And then. I'm not going to spoil the story,
but it feels redemptive.
Yeah. Thank you for sharing all of that.
TAYLOR: Yeah.
EMILY: I wonder if you want to touch on, because, you know, so many women have a hard time in postpartum, you know, colicky babies. Like, this is. It's really good story medicine.
If you want to just say anything at all about that postpartum experience that you had with little Miss Precious, Little Finley.
TAYLOR: Yes.
EMILY: So much I know she Is magic an end call has a lot to do with, like, psychic abilities. Right. Like, when they're born in call, it's like they're born in the veil and, like, they can see beyond the veil.
There's some really cool mystic.
TAYLOR: Yeah. So I had known nothing at all at first, and my midwife had mentioned how magical and special it was. So of course I started to do.
TAYLOR: A little bit of research.
TAYLOR: I still don't fully know, but I know that oftentimes they're healers and spiritual people. And I can totally see that coming out in my little one already.
EMILY: Yeah.
EMILY: Oh, my gosh. She is such a special little being. Like, I. I don't even know how to describe,
like, the light in her eyes and just like,
she is just so special. And she's just like this cute little, like. And she always does this little, like, teeter, totter, back and forth thing that's just so.
TAYLOR: She's such a little peanut, too. She's a little peanut with a big fiery personality.
TAYLOR: She's a Leo. 100%.
EMILY: Yeah. If you. If you want to just touch on a little bit about that postpartum experience that you had, I think that would.
EMILY: Be helpful for the listeners.
TAYLOR: Yeah. So I'd say the first week or two, I was totally in that postpartum high.
TAYLOR: We were so excited.
TAYLOR: She was nursing like a champion. My nipples were very sore the first.
TAYLOR: Few days, but I was able to power through.
TAYLOR: And then right off the bat, we started experiencing really yucky, mucusy poops.
And Finley has started to become very. I don't really love the term colicky, but that's just the easiest term to use.
Very colicky.
And nothing could settle this poor girl down. I was to the point where I.
TAYLOR: Didn'T know she had a little bit.
TAYLOR: Of a lip tie. But I did not want to do.
TAYLOR: Any operations at that point because I.
TAYLOR: Had heard a horror story from an office and they had lasered the kid's.
TAYLOR: Tongue and the kid was choking on his tongue.
TAYLOR: And they had told me, like, oftentimes when you go in, they're going to tell you if there's a lip tie, there's a tongue tie, and they're going to get you to do both surgeries.
And I just didn't want to do that. I had scheduled an appointment and decided against it.
But I felt like as she was nursing now I understand, like, it's common. Your babies swallow air and you can.
TAYLOR: Hear bubbles in their belly.
TAYLOR: But I was starting to hyper fixate on those bubbles, and I'M like, that's.
TAYLOR: Going to be her gassy screams.
TAYLOR: And I would cry when I was nursing her. I also had, I think, I think it was like a form of. Is it demur?
EMILY: What is it?
TAYLOR: Whenever I would nurse demurs, the negative, like, reaction to nursing, I think it's called.
EMILY: Okay.
TAYLOR: But whenever I would nurse, I would get extremely nauseous. Like, would have to sit by a window almost with a bucket near me.
TAYLOR: Because I felt like I was gonna.
TAYLOR: Vomit every time I was nursing her. And I had gotten to the point where she was so uncomfortable, I would.
TAYLOR: Cry when it was time to feed her. I didn't wanna feed her.
TAYLOR: I'm not exaggerating when I say this baby would scream for hours, hours, hours, hours on end.
TAYLOR: And it was a piercing, blood curdling cry.
TAYLOR: And I remember people telling me, it's okay, like, she's. Babies cry.
TAYLOR: And I'm like, you don't understand.
TAYLOR: Like, as a mom, you know, their cries. And I could feel it, like it.
TAYLOR: Was hurting her and it would in turn hurt me.
TAYLOR: And she hated the car, that she was just a miserable, miserable, unhappy baby. And so many times I wanted to quit breastfeeding and just try formula.
But then even when I would try.
TAYLOR: To strictly pump and give her a.
TAYLOR: Bottle, nothing was helping the poor girl.
TAYLOR: And I remember my midwife telling me.
TAYLOR: Like, it's food sensitivities, which I totally.
TAYLOR: Believe to an extent.
TAYLOR: But I was to the point where I was eating cucumbers, watermelon,
potatoes, carrots and hummus. Is I essentially what I think my postpartum diet was?
Because I thought that tomatoes, garlic, onions.
TAYLOR: Dairy, gluten, all of it.
TAYLOR: I was like, convinced that's what had.
TAYLOR: To have been bothering her.
TAYLOR: We were trying to shove a probiotic.
TAYLOR: In her mouth multiple times a day.
TAYLOR: Just chamomile supplements, all kinds of stuff, all these things. And to the point where when we had our second baby, my husband's like, I don't want to be giving this baby all kinds of things multiple times a day like we did with our first.
And it was really hard journey. It brought out a lot of rage in me, which I didn't realize was a normal or common postpartum thing.
TAYLOR: And I was never an angry person, but I was to the point where the crying was just getting to me so much that I would want to punch a hole in the wall or pull my hair out or I was seeing red.
TAYLOR: And that was scary for me.
TAYLOR: And I would have moments where I.
TAYLOR: Would just break down and sob because.
TAYLOR: I hated that version of myself and mom guilt and.
TAYLOR: Oh, it was so hard.
TAYLOR: It was so hard.
TAYLOR: And everyone kept saying, you know, six months, a year, things will get better. And it took a good 20 months before we could even get in the car without screaming, like, excruciating cry.
And it was.
TAYLOR: I was like, I can never do.
TAYLOR: This again, ever again.
TAYLOR: This is horrible, horrible, horrible.
TAYLOR: And I remember sharing all my story, like, if any other moms are going.
TAYLOR: Through this, I feel so bad for you.
TAYLOR: And I was just a total angry, angry mess. I didn't leave the house for the first six months of her life. Yeah,
well, other than to go to work. In the beginning of work, they were.
TAYLOR: Trying to help out, and they're like.
TAYLOR: You can bring your baby to work with you. So I would drive 40 minutes to.
TAYLOR: Work with a screaming baby and then try to answer phones while I'm bouncing her and she's crying and then have to drive home.
TAYLOR: And I. Oh, I was in fight or flight constantly.
TAYLOR: Mm.
EMILY: So what. What advice would you give yourself or another mom? Having gone through that experience, sometimes I.
TAYLOR: Still struggle with that one.
But just reassuring moms that it is okay to put your baby down for a minute too, and that they're safe. And I think when I finally realized that, I needed to just put her.
TAYLOR: Down in a safe spot and go in the other room and take a moment of silence, that really helped me.
TAYLOR: And it does get better. I hate. I hated that. I hated that so much. But it really does get better, and you do get through it.
But, yeah, it was just. I would always try to bring myself.
TAYLOR: To a happy place.
TAYLOR: In those moments where she was screaming.
TAYLOR: I would close my eyes and picture myself on the beach.
TAYLOR: And I think if you can try to do something that brings you joy when your baby's in a moment like that and you're frustrated, it's important because then your brain will associate.
Like, if you start just being negative,
the minute those moments would happen, I would start to spiral.
TAYLOR: And so if I would bring myself to a happy place in those times.
TAYLOR: To kind of get my brain to associate.
TAYLOR: Okay, it's okay.
TAYLOR: You're.
TAYLOR: You're also safe. You can calm your own nervous system.
TAYLOR: And then your baby will also, in turn, feed off of that, because the more I got worked up, the more the baby got worked up. So, yeah, seriously, focus on yourself and calming and.
EMILY: Yeah, for sure.
I. Yeah, I know it is a hard thing just to say, like, it'll pass eventually, but, like, when I. My friend Sammy, she did a episode on her podcast, Mother Medicine podcast.
I. It's so good because she also had a very similar experience with her firstborn. Just screamed and cried. I mean, and just like you, you know, very like natural minded, you know, like doing all the right things and yeah, like nothing help helped and it's just, it's an experience.
Kian cried quite a bit, but not to the extent that Finley did.
So, yeah, I feel like one. If you haven't actually gone through it, you don't understand the pain and suffering. But whatever you can do to take care of yourself, self care, self regulating, that is going to be helping the baby and calling in support because you can't be expected to be there 100% of the time for that screaming baby.
Like, you do have to have support.
TAYLOR: Yeah, yeah. And being the first, I couldn't ask for help.
TAYLOR: It was hard.
TAYLOR: Now looking back, I would have asked for help a lot more.
EMILY: Yeah, yeah. Because it can be so isolating.
Yeah, yeah, I know. But you are also an absolutely incredible mom. Like you. I watched you through all of that and you know, throughout, before and during this pregnancy and having a toddler and it's just, just.
It's incredible what we are capable of as women. It's just mind shattering.
Yeah.
Okay. So did you and Spencer plan the second pregnancy or was this a surprise?
TAYLOR: So I think he would tell you it's a surprise,
but for me, we had talked about it. I of course, was like, never again.
And then instinctually, and just being a woman at that one year mark, my body was like, nope, I'm ready. So I had also gotten my menstrual cycle back exactly seven weeks.
And even though I breastfed Finley until she was 2,
I got my period back right off the go. So I had gotten really into cycle syncing towards the, like,
I don't know, right before I got pregnant.
TAYLOR: And so I was trying to eat.
TAYLOR: And exercise appropriately and I was ready to have another baby at that point. And we had talked about it and of course the,
you know, naturally hormones, everything, pheromones.
TAYLOR: The only times that we were having sex were on the days that I was ovulating and we weren't doing anything to prevent having a baby.
EMILY: So not a surprise, Spencer. Not a surprise.
TAYLOR: Right.
And it had gotten to the point where I don't even think he really knew, but I was taking, I was like taking pregnancy tests way too soon, like just wanting it so badly, doing.
TAYLOR: All the things I had shiva lingam under my pillow.
TAYLOR: I had all kinds of, like, I was doing all the witchy woo woo things at this point. And I was just so ready, and.
TAYLOR: I really wanted another baby.
TAYLOR: And I think we had tried. Well, like, I thought we were trying for about four or five cycles and.
TAYLOR: It just wasn't happening.
TAYLOR: And I was very upset, but I kind of at that point just surrendered. And of course. So I think I figured it out.
TAYLOR: We were trying on days two and three of ovulation.
TAYLOR: And the one time that I'm just like, okay, I give up.
TAYLOR: It was day one of ovulation.
TAYLOR: And I remember being at the grocery store and I really, really, really wanted to buy a pregnancy test, but I.
TAYLOR: Had just told my friends that I needed to stop because it was an.
TAYLOR: Unhealthy, like, hyper fixation at that point. And I was like, okay, this is the last one I'm going to buy.
TAYLOR: And.
TAYLOR: Yeah, it was positive.
I just knew.
Started my period yet? It was supposed to start in two days.
Well, so I was back up. I was at work, and Spencer bought the test. I was at work and I was like, I think I'm pregnant.
And he was like, I kind of wanted to say that the other day because you've been a little moody, but I was. Didn't want to make you upset.
TAYLOR: And so I had him buy a pregnancy test.
TAYLOR: And when I got home from work, I took it and I looked at the first one with Finley,
and this time I wanted him to find out. So he. I left the test on the bathroom.
TAYLOR: Counter upside down, and he went in and he came out and he was.
TAYLOR: Like, oh, my God.
And I was like, I knew it. He's like, I think I knew it too.
So I was super excited. I hadn't told anyone. And I went into work that day, and I remember my friend's mom,
she's like, you're glowing.
TAYLOR: Are you pregnant?
TAYLOR: And I had literally just found out. And I was like, what the heck?
And I just remember I was so excited. I was so excited, but also terrified because I was like, oh, my gosh, this is actually happening now.
TAYLOR: After I had kind of surrendered to.
TAYLOR: The fact that maybe it wasn't the right time, because I was totally into.
TAYLOR: Like, calling in the spirit and the soul.
TAYLOR: And I was like, okay, the right one will come when it's time.
And, yeah,
I was super excited. And I knew off the bat. I was like, okay, we're gonna have.
TAYLOR: This baby at home this time.
TAYLOR: And I wanted to.
TAYLOR: I hadn't interviewed any midwives with my.
TAYLOR: First birth, so this time I really wanted to interview a couple people.
TAYLOR: Now That I knew more and knew.
TAYLOR: Kind of what I wanted and didn't want.
And I just started right away this time. I was like, okay, right away we need to do all the things I thought I was going to read books. This pregnancy still did not do that.
TAYLOR: And I really didn't listen to many podcasts this time.
TAYLOR: But I knew I was gonna do a lot of mental work this time around because I wanted that redemptive birth.
TAYLOR: And that redemptive baby, essentially, after everything I went through with Finley.
EMILY: Yeah. So what did you. What did you do differently then? And what did you want to be different?
TAYLOR: Yeah.
TAYLOR: So I interviewed two. So the first midwife I emailed was Gayle.
TAYLOR: Cause I had heard wonderful things about.
TAYLOR: Gail on your podcast.
And I reached out to her,
letting her know something I was running into was I was my due date, my expected due date was right around the time of Christmas. And so, honestly, I was kind of shocked.
TAYLOR: There were a lot of midwives that.
TAYLOR: Weren'T taking mamas at that time or.
TAYLOR: Were going to be on vacation or.
TAYLOR: Spending the holidays with their family, rightfully so. I started to get a little panicky because I'm like, oh, my gosh, what am I going to do?
And I emailed Gail Ecky, and at the time, she had reached back out to me and what. I never ended up scheduling anything with her because I didn't want to commit to paying a hundred dollars deposit for a meeting.
And so I went with a couple other midwives, and I had picked one that I thought was going to be a really good fit.
And so I met with her.
I think I was around 10 weeks.
I felt no urge or rush this.
TAYLOR: Time to go see her.
TAYLOR: I was like, whenever I have an appointment, I'll go see her. And I wasn't even sure at what time she would start seeing me.
And right off the bat, I had.
TAYLOR: A high blood pressure reading in her office.
TAYLOR: And I told her I thought it was just because I was really anxious. I had just driven 45 minutes.
TAYLOR: I had never met her before.
TAYLOR: I don't really like going to appointments.
TAYLOR: Even if it's happy ones.
TAYLOR: I'm just one of those white coat people. And right off the bat, we had started kind of talking about, like, preeclampsia.
TAYLOR: And how we were going to have to monitor the numbers.
TAYLOR: And in our interview, she had told me, like, I'm very hands off. Da, da, da, da, da. And I liked the idea that she.
TAYLOR: Was also a naturopath, because I hadn't.
TAYLOR: Thought about, like, oh, if I have any issues with my thyroid or anything like that after, she can just take care of everything.
And I had seen her, I want.
TAYLOR: To say, three times in total, and.
TAYLOR: Each time my blood pressure was high, but my readings at home were totally normal. And so she really started giving me the preeclampsia talk and that we were.
TAYLOR: Going to have to get an OB.
TAYLOR: Involved with the hospital. And she started bringing up, you might have to deliver at 37 weeks, this, this, and that. And I just had this really bad gut feeling. And I was like, this is going.
TAYLOR: To end in an unnecessary transfer.
TAYLOR: I feel like if.
If I go through with this. And I remember texting you, I think, and just being like, I don't know what to do.
I'm just completely distraught.
TAYLOR: This doesn't feel right.
TAYLOR: I feel like I'm just going to.
TAYLOR: End up having to have my baby.
TAYLOR: At the hospital,
which was not what I wanted to do at all. And we were worried a little bit financially about how we were gonna afford this because I had already paid a $900 deposit.
And I was like, I don't just have enough money to cough up more.
And I remember I chatted with you for a few minutes, and something was like, you need to reach back out to Gail.
And what happened was my midwife was also like, I have nobody that can attend your birth with me, so do.
TAYLOR: You care if I have a student?
TAYLOR: And at that time, I was just like, sure, whatever. I don't care. Because I was still thinking that I.
TAYLOR: Was going to continue to see her. And I had emailed Gail, and I.
TAYLOR: Was like, I don't know if you.
TAYLOR: Even have any availability for December. I'm halfway through my pregnancy at this.
TAYLOR: Point, but I am absolutely freaking out. This is what's going on with my blood pressure. And I was just, like, begging, essentially. And she's like, actually, I have complete. Like, I'm completely open.
I can do that for you. Let's just have an interview and make sure. And as soon as Gail came over, I thought we were going to have, like, a half an hour chat.
I think our first conversation was about two hours long. And she just was really getting to.
TAYLOR: Know me, and I told her everything.
TAYLOR: That was going on, and she's like, I don't even have to check your blood pressure, but I can if you want. And I was curious, and it was totally fine.
And so from then on,
I was kind of like, oh, my gosh.
TAYLOR: Okay.
TAYLOR: So I just felt like I blew money on that midwife, but it was.
TAYLOR: The best decision I've ever made.
TAYLOR: And I didn't think I was gonna be able to afford having a home birth after all of this. And I was sobbing to the point where I went to transfer all of my records to the hospital because I'm like, I'm just gonna have to figure this out.
TAYLOR: I'm gonna stay home until I absolutely.
TAYLOR: Can'T and then just go have that baby. I'm going to tell them that I want to get in the tub and I'm going to push the baby out.
TAYLOR: Even when they say I can't in.
TAYLOR: The water at the hospital.
And to the point where I had gone physically and transferred all my stuff. And I was crying to Gail, and she's like, you know, we can set.
TAYLOR: Up a payment plan.
TAYLOR: Like, I'm like, why didn't I just.
TAYLOR: Talk to her before?
TAYLOR: I had on an emotional roller coaster. I cried for probably 10 hours and.
Yeah. And ended up changing midwives because I thought I was going to have preeclampsia and that my birth was going to end in an unnecessary transfer. And then the second I met Gail, you just know when you.
When you have the right midwife, you just know. And it was, oh, my gosh, she.
TAYLOR: Was a complete blessing for our family.
TAYLOR: And I highly, highly recommend her to.
TAYLOR: Anybody in the area.
TAYLOR: And I loved the idea of her coming to do visits at our home. That was like a big,
big one for me. And when I told the original midwife that I was transferring,
I told her I was nervous. I didn't want to tell her that. I didn't think that her and I could form. I didn't feel like I had any connection with her, and I didn't want to tell her that and upset her.
And I told her that I just like the idea of the midwife coming to my house. And she goes, oh, I know the one midwife that does home visits. Do you want me to send your records to her?
And I was like, yes, please.
EMILY: Wow.
TAYLOR: So I think there was a little bit of hostility.
EMILY: Yeah. Like, let this just be a lesson and beautiful story medicine. Like, you really do need to fully, completely, 100% resonate with your birth team. And it is never too late to switch up.
And where there's a will, there's a way, and you just have to make it happen. Yeah, you just have to make it happen. It makes me so sad, all these women who choose providers just because they're within their, you know, who's going to pay, their insurance is going to pay,
or just like, this is the Only one that you know is within driving distance or whatever it is. Like, all the reasons and excuses why women choose their providers, which is the two most important decisions you make, who you birth with and where you birth.
You know, so, like, if you really want that beautiful, undisturbed, natural home birth, like, you need to find the provider that's gonna do it, and you need to figure out a payment plan, figure out a way to afford it.
Like, there's. There's a way.
There's a way.
TAYLOR: And your midwives, like, a. A really good midwife, like, wants to help you.
EMILY: Yeah.
TAYLOR: They don't want you to just be.
TAYLOR: Thrown to the wolves either, if that's how you feel. And.
EMILY: Right.
TAYLOR: I think that's so important. And that was a learning lesson for me too. Like, just have the conversation.
EMILY: I mean, just the fact that you didn't feel comfortable in her presence. Like, your blood pressure was high. Like, it just. It.
TAYLOR: The.
EMILY: The. The office space kind of felt like clinical, you know, like, versus someone coming to your home, spending two hours getting to know you. Like, letting it be your decision if your blood pressure's even taken.
Like, these are all very big.
TAYLOR: Yeah.
EMILY: Flashing neon signs on the wall.
TAYLOR: Yeah. So how did you. Right then I was like, this is what we're. Yeah. So how was it exactly? Right decision.
EMILY: Yeah, it definitely was. Scale's lovely. Um, so what was the rest of your pregnancy like?
TAYLOR: Yeah, so throughout this pregnancy, the.
TAYLOR: In the beginning, I was pretty sick.
TAYLOR: Again, vomiting to the point where,
like, at work, I was trying to have interactions with customer. I was working at a farm at the time, and I was loving it,
but I was just constantly having to run downstairs to the bathroom and I was getting sick. And we had agreed because my blood pressure readings were high at that time, we had agreed, like, okay, maybe I should just stop working.
So I stayed home for a little bit. I was trying to watch some other.
TAYLOR: Kiddos in my house.
EMILY: I didn't know you did that.
TAYLOR: Yes. I had two other kiddos that I was watching here with my toddler while I was first trimester.
And I don't know what I was thinking. I was a wreck. And I ended up. I felt bad because one of the.
TAYLOR: Kiddos was my friends and she was.
TAYLOR: Also pregnant with her second. It's actually the little boy that was born the same day as Finley.
And I told her I just couldn't do it anymore.
And I started to feel a little better my second trimester.
TAYLOR: I was convinced.
TAYLOR: This pregnancy, though, you know, I was going to work out every single day and do all the things, and that just wasn't happening for me either. And I was giving myself grace.
But midway through, I decided I wanted to. I needed to make some money so I could help Spencer pay for this birth. And so I picked up a few shifts waitressing, and I was only doing.
TAYLOR: Two days a week, about four hours.
TAYLOR: A day, and bringing home all kinds of good money, which was great. So lots of. I was getting a lot of movement that way.
And even at, like, I think I was probably about 29 weeks, and I was already over it. I was so tired. Pregnancy with a toddler.
I was so exhausted and very emotional this pregnancy. More emotional than I even imagined I could be.
TAYLOR: I cried all the time.
TAYLOR: And I had talked to my midwife, and I told her, I was like, I thought I did all the healing I needed to with that first birth and, like, healing the child wounds.
And she was like, oh, honey, the more times you get pregnant, the deeper the wounds you're opening. And so I was like, great.
It was to the point that I was convinced two months before the baby was coming that I needed to divorce my husband.
And I remember I had reached out.
TAYLOR: To you because I wanted to just.
TAYLOR: Do some, like, one on one. And I was like, I'm done. I don't want to be with him anymore.
And I don't know how I'm going to do this. I'm so nervous about having another baby. My toddler, every time we asked her.
TAYLOR: If she was excited, no, no, no.
TAYLOR: And of course. Of course she doesn't want anybody else.
But towards the end, I was just. I was really over it way too early. My midwife was like, you still have a little ways to go, honey. You're not even that pregnant, and you're not that big.
And I felt big,
and I was, like, feeling the baby. I did an anatomy scan, and we did find out the gender.
I thought I wanted to wait and have that surprise at the birth, but my husband really wanted to know. And at the first visit with the.
TAYLOR: Original midwife, I decided to do genetic testing, actually. And I surprised him.
TAYLOR: And I was like, let's find out. And I'm glad we did. I really, really wanted a boy.
TAYLOR: So did my husband.
TAYLOR: I let him open the results, and he was like. Like, gosh darn it, Charlotte, if you're.
EMILY: Watching this, I'm sorry.
TAYLOR: Oh, my gosh.
But, yeah, so I was working. I again thought I was gonna work until my expected due date was December 22nd. But again, this time around, I was like, yeah, Baby's gonna come when?
Baby comes sometime in December,
but around.
TAYLOR: Even 29, 30 weeks.
TAYLOR: I was like, there's no way that I'm gonna make it full, like 40 weeks with this baby. I could feel her so low right from the get go. I was having excruciating back pain this.
TAYLOR: Pregnancy to the point I was going to the chiropractor about three times a week.
TAYLOR: And he was like, your pelvis is just completely off. And I thought again that I was going to go into labor.
TAYLOR: I'm like, I'm going to have another full moon baby.
TAYLOR: Because my birthday was the 15th, and.
TAYLOR: The full moon happened to be on my birthday.
TAYLOR: And so I was convinced that that's when I was going to go into labor. But I went in for one of my final adjustments, and my chiropractor had.
TAYLOR: Told me that I was just feeling.
TAYLOR: Really squishy down there and that things.
TAYLOR: Were definitely moving and changing.
TAYLOR: And I was like, yeah, this baby's coming soon. I had stopped working at that point because I was walking so much serving tables, that I was just so uncomfortable by the time I left there, I could barely walk.
And I think it was about even. Gail had said, she's like, I don't tell anyone this, but she's like, I.
TAYLOR: Don'T think you're making it to 40 weeks.
TAYLOR: Because when she had come, baby's head was just so engaged in my pelvis already. She's like, I can't even fully feel the baby's head. She's like, I don't think I've felt a baby this engaged, like,
without being in labor.
And I think it was about a week before I had decided that I wanted you to be my doula at that time, too. And so I remember texting you saying that I was kind of feeling like a little crampy.
And I think this was at like 37 weeks,
maybe even 36 and a half. It was a little early still, and I was feeling a little cranky. Yeah. And I was like, trying not to get my hopes up, but it felt like something.
And then I had a little bit of blood when I wiped.
TAYLOR: And when I say a little bit.
TAYLOR: It was like a tiny, tiny bit. But I was like, okay, baby's coming. I'm getting excited. And it was at exactly 38 weeks.
TAYLOR: My friend came over with chocolate cookies.
TAYLOR: And I was like, I bet you.
TAYLOR: These cookies are going to put me into labor.
TAYLOR: And sure enough, that night, I usually woke up around 1am because I had pregnancy insomnia.
TAYLOR: And I was Just taking a lot of warm showers.
TAYLOR: And so I got in the shower, and I was kind of, like, willing. I was like, I want to start having contractions. I was getting frustrated. And at that point, I went to.
TAYLOR: The bathroom and I wiped, and I.
TAYLOR: Had a little bit of my mucus.
TAYLOR: Plug, and it was bloody.
TAYLOR: And I was like, oh, okay. Like, maybe I will go into labor tonight. And so I decided to just get in the shower because that's what I did last time. And as soon as I got in the shower, I started having really, really, really intense cramping.
And I was like, okay, maybe I.
TAYLOR: Am gonna go into labor tonight.
TAYLOR: And I stayed in the shower. I don't know how long I was.
TAYLOR: In there, Maybe half an hour.
TAYLOR: And I came out, and I came into the bedroom, and that night, Spencer.
TAYLOR: Had put the protective liner on the bed.
TAYLOR: Literally that night, I was like, we need to get this ready to go. We had the birth room set up.
TAYLOR: We had the tub blown up, ready to go.
TAYLOR: We had it. I knew. And so I remember I had gotten.
TAYLOR: On my hands and knees because I.
TAYLOR: Was already having pretty intense contractions, and I felt a little bit of, like, a burst. And I was like, oh, maybe my water just broke, but it was just like, a tiny bit of a dribble in my underwear.
And so I got back in the.
TAYLOR: Shower for maybe half an hour, and.
TAYLOR: I put on my birth playlist, because this time, I wanted to, like, be in my zone and listening to my music. And the song was on, and I.
TAYLOR: Had been crying to the song for.
TAYLOR: Like, a couple days about just surrendering. And I was just, like, praying to God. I'm like, please let this be it. I'm so ready to meet this baby. And I came in the bedroom.
I'd gotten out of the shower because I thought the warm water was going to help, and it wasn't.
TAYLOR: This was very intense.
TAYLOR: Like, way more intense than anything I had felt my entire labor with my first. And I woke my husband up, and I was like, okay, I think I'm ready for you to call Emily.
And he tried to call, and I told him that sometimes,
like, if it's on do not disturb, I'm like, call twice to activate the whatever to get a hold of them.
EMILY: Doesn't help when the phone's on airplane mode.
TAYLOR: So then I was like. He's like, I haven't gotten a hold of Emily yet. And I'm like, that's fine. Call my mom, because I wanted her.
TAYLOR: To come pick up Finley so I.
TAYLOR: Could just fully Focus.
TAYLOR: And so it was about 3:00 in.
TAYLOR: The morning and my mom came over and got Finley. And right after that I was like in full blown labor at this point.
TAYLOR: I had pooped, I think six times.
TAYLOR: In a matter of two hours.
And I had started vomiting and I was like, okay. And I had, I had called you, I think I looked at my phone the next day and I think it was about 20 times.
And I had started to panic. I was very panicky at that moment.
Not because I was afraid of the birth, but I just think I was like, oh my gosh, this is actually happening.
TAYLOR: And this is really intense and I'm.
TAYLOR: Ready for some, like, coaching.
EMILY: And we had. And we had had your birth team meeting with Gayle and everything at your house. Just not too far before that. And Gail was saying like, now, just in case I don't make it.
Cause she lives a bit away and it was the winter and snowstorm. She's like, just in case I don't make it, let's talk about what you would do. And I was like, don't worry about that.
I live 20 minutes away away. I'll be here.
TAYLOR: Yeah.
EMILY: And just like my deepest apologies for my phone being on airplane mode. It's not okay.
TAYLOR: But it all worked out how it was supposed to. At that point. I had started vomiting and Spencer was.
TAYLOR: Like, have you called Gail?
TAYLOR: And I was like, no. I was like, gail likes to come when it's like, really time. And I was like, it's only been two hours.
But then I was like,
I'm vomiting. I'm pretty sure this is transition. I've done this before. I'm like, this is very intense. I'm like, I would rather just call her and let her know what's going on.
And I remember she. I also had tried to call my birth photographer.
Keep in mind, this baby was.
TAYLOR: It was a little bit early.
TAYLOR: And so I hadn't gotten a hold of her yet either. But I texted her and I let her know. I was like, hey, just so you know, this is what's going on.
And then I called Gail and Gail was like, okay, I'm on my way. And so I was like, oh my gosh. Okay, she's on her way. That means I'm having this baby.
And I guess Spencer had had a conversation with her after that because I was ready to get in the water at that point.
Contractions were so intense, anytime I would make a noise, Spencer would have to come and put like major counter pressure on for me. And I remember Him. He was like, I need to make a pot of coffee.
And I was like, sure, go ahead.
TAYLOR: Do your thing.
TAYLOR: And he's asking me if I want coffee at this point, I'm like, I don't want coffee. Maybe after I have this baby, but not right now. And he's trying to make coffee, and.
TAYLOR: I'm having crazy contractions.
TAYLOR: So he's running in and out of the kitchen in the birth room. And at that point, I was like, her head is coming out. And I was just ready.
I was tired. I was working hard, harder than I.
TAYLOR: Ever could have imagined.
EMILY: And so let's get the timeline really quick. So, like, one at 1:30, you started having cramps, I believe.
TAYLOR: So I had the baby at 5:55. And my hour. My labor was four hours long. So, yeah,
he goes, Gail's. Gail just told me she's expected to be here around 6:00.
TAYLOR: And as soon as he said that.
TAYLOR: I was like, okay, she's on her way. We're good. And we had talked about, you know, if baby comes before she gets there. I can call 911 if I feel the need.
And we had a couple of options. Or just keep the baby warm. And as soon as he told me her ETA was 30 minutes, I was like, okay, she's on her way.
Head's coming out. And I said that to him, and he jumped right in the tub, which was a huge deal for him because he wanted nothing to do with that.
TAYLOR: Fully clothed.
TAYLOR: I'm talking socks, sweatpants, sweatshirt, beanie on. And he's like, feeling.
TAYLOR: And her head came out.
TAYLOR: And he's like, okay, I have her.
TAYLOR: Head in my hand.
TAYLOR: And he's like, oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. And I was just howling this baby out. I didn't make a peep with Finley. I held everything in, and I was just like, I'm completely surrendering.
And I'm howling this baby out instinctually this time. And that's what I did,
I think. Three pushes. I remember after the second push, he was like, okay, her arm.
TAYLOR: He felt her arm, like, pop out over her head.
TAYLOR: So now I'm also wondering if her arm was up.
EMILY: A little nuclear. Nuclear hand. Yeah.
TAYLOR: Yeah. Because he said it blew out. Yeah. And then he's like, okay, one more push, and she's out. And I'm like, okay, I'm not ready. I need to wait and catch my breath and wait for another contraction.
And then that push, three pushes, and she came out. And he was like, oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. And I pulled her right up, and she didn't make a peep, But I knew she was fine.
TAYLOR: She was looking all around, and I.
TAYLOR: Told him, like, why don't you just call Gail and let her know that the baby's here? And I just covered her up. And I was always.
I like, I love,
like, physiological, instinctual birth, but the suctioning your baby always felt like ugh to me. And she was very junky, and I just did it. And he was like, oh, my gosh.
And she was totally fine. And I tried to nurse her. I had had lots of conversations with.
TAYLOR: You and Gail because I was very.
TAYLOR: Nervous about my placenta again this time around.
But as soon as Gail got there, we. I tried to push my placenta out a little bit while I was in the tub, but it just didn't feel right. The afterbirth contractions were way more intense than I was anticipating with the second baby.
So I just kind of waited in the water until Gail got here. And then as soon as she got here, I got out and pushed my placenta out, and that was the best feeling in the world.
I felt so much better after that came out, and we just. We did it. And then we got over into my bed, and at that point, the photographer was like, I'm on my way.
And I was like, don't worry about it. Like, let's just.
EMILY: And then my phone pictures later, and.
TAYLOR: Then Gail was kind of like. We had talked, and we're like, okay, baby's here. Like, you're already snuggled in bed. Like, the energy is here. Like, do you want to let any more energy in?
And I was. At that point, I was like.
TAYLOR: I was good. And so we had agreed.
TAYLOR: I wanted you to just come over in the morning, and. Well, later on that morning.
EMILY: Right when you woke up.
TAYLOR: Yeah. And when I picked that baby up, at first, I was like, she's so tiny. My first baby was seven pounds, pounds exactly. And I thought this baby was smaller. And Gail looks at me, she goes, that's a big baby.
What are you talking about?
TAYLOR: She was 8 pounds and 2 ounces.
TAYLOR: And I really was so worried about tearing this time. And I didn't tear at all.
TAYLOR: I didn't really bleed much.
TAYLOR: And we just snuggled that baby in our bed, and it was. Oh, my gosh, the best feeling in the whole.
TAYLOR: The whole world.
EMILY: Oh, my God.
TAYLOR: Oh, it was such a beautiful birth. It was very intense, very fast. But I think that's what my body.
TAYLOR: Knew it needed at that time.
TAYLOR: And, oh, my gosh.
TAYLOR: I Was so proud of my husband. He can't believe he did that.
TAYLOR: He, like, totally took the reins and helped delivered her, and they're definitely gonna have a special bond from that.
EMILY: Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I know, because, you know, the guilt that I felt for not being present there for you, and. But then when I came over later and just. He was just, like, beaming.
TAYLOR: I mean, just like, everything happens the way it was supposed to. And he said, too. He goes, if Emily would have been there, I wouldn't have done that, because I was picturing you as being, like, my main labor support person.
And then him to just help catch.
TAYLOR: The baby if he. When he was ready.
EMILY: Right.
TAYLOR: And so that was very special.
TAYLOR: And I loved the idea of a.
TAYLOR: Free birth, but didn't want to commit to that.
TAYLOR: I want.
TAYLOR: I like the idea of having someone there, too, that's just present.
EMILY: Yeah.
TAYLOR: And it. It all worked out how it was supposed to. Yeah.
EMILY: Yeah. What an absolutely beautiful story. And, man, I'm telling you, those fast births, they are not necessarily, like, better than longer birth.
TAYLOR: It was intense for sure. For sure. I barely remember it now already, but.
EMILY: Yeah, she came with a fury. And so little Charlotte was born.
TAYLOR: We thought we were going to name her Lucy.
And then we looked at her and we were like. I told him we had a couple names picked out, and I was like.
TAYLOR: I need to see the baby this time. And we looked at her and we're.
TAYLOR: Like, nope, she's Charlotte.
EMILY: And how is her personality showing itself?
TAYLOR: She is a very spunky, happy, smiley little girl.
And she's. I think she looks just like me, which is such a good feeling because my Finley looks exactly like her dad. And it's just like, I feel in my soul that she's gonna be, like.
TAYLOR: The continuation of me, like, her whole life.
TAYLOR: She's a lot different than Finley, and.
TAYLOR: Finley is head over heels for her sister.
TAYLOR: She loves her so much, and the.
TAYLOR: Transition has been incredible.
TAYLOR: Way better than I could have ever expected.
EMILY: Yeah. Yeah.
EMILY: It's such a big dynamic shift. You know, every baby that's born, everything changes again. You know, a big sister was born. You know, a mother of two was born. A father of two was born.
It's. There's so much.
Yeah.
TAYLOR: Yeah.
EMILY: Oh, I'm so grateful that you were able to have that experience in this lifetime. Dear, dear, dear Taylor.
TAYLOR: Yeah, it's quite magical. And I would do it over again in a heartbeat. Yeah.
EMILY: So do you want to share anything more or do you want to just kind of leave it at the birth stories I'll share.
TAYLOR: I'll share a little bit of our journey afterwards.
TAYLOR: Charlotte's definitely a special little miracle baby in our lives.
EMILY: Tell me why Charlotte is a miracle baby.
TAYLOR: Yeah. So a few days after I had Charlotte, I started having pretty severe headaches.
And I was like, okay, this could be a total normal hormonal. Hormonal change. I remember having some headaches after my first baby. And I had checked my blood pressure.
TAYLOR: It was mildly high, but nothing too crazy.
TAYLOR: And I had let my midwife know. We were like, maybe it could be some, like, postpartum preeclampsia starting, which, of course, was my fear my whole pregnancy. So I was like.
Like, oh, gosh, why now?
TAYLOR: And it had gotten to the point.
TAYLOR: Where I could barely take care of Charlotte.
TAYLOR: I was nursing her and then just.
TAYLOR: Sleeping with her all day and having these excruciating headaches.
TAYLOR: And we decided to go to the.
TAYLOR: Hospital at that point because we just couldn't figure out what was going on.
And I needed fluids because I had started to vomit with my headaches. And so we went to the hospital,
got a workup, got some fluids. We had kind of ruled them out to tension headaches at this point, what we thought. And they sent me home, told me to come back if they hadn't gotten better.
And about a week later,
we had Christmas. And I barely remember, like, I was having such excruciating headaches at this point that I barely remember Christmas Day.
TAYLOR: I don't remember Finley opening gifts.
TAYLOR: I don't. We had the photographer come and take family photos. And I just remember I was vomiting till she got there.
TAYLOR: I held it together while she was there.
TAYLOR: And then I was very sick afterwards.
And I had kind of told Gail again what was going on. And I was like, maybe it's time to go back. Because I was to the point where.
TAYLOR: I had a heat pack on my neck and an ice pack on my.
TAYLOR: Eyes all day long.
TAYLOR: At this point, I wasn't keeping anything down.
TAYLOR: And we're like, something is really wrong here. And so we went back to the error. Keep in mind, we weren't even going to our local er. We were driving about an hour to get to the hospital that had a.
TAYLOR: Labor and delivery er.
TAYLOR: And when we got to the hospital.
TAYLOR: This time, I remember holding onto the cars, trying to get into the building. And I actually.
TAYLOR: We had Charlotte with us the first.
TAYLOR: Time, and this time, and we sent.
TAYLOR: My toddler with my mom, and I lost consciousness as soon as we got to the hospital in the elevator.
TAYLOR: And so my husband's trying to hold.
TAYLOR: On to me, trying to carry the baby's seat. And this woman offered to go get us a wheelchair.
TAYLOR: And at this point, I was with.
TAYLOR: The midwives again,
and I don't really remember much.
I was still vomiting. I was asking for more muscle relaxers because that helped me last time. And I was like, this has to be what's going on.
And at this point,
they were like.
TAYLOR: Let'S do a psych eval. We think you have postpartum depression.
TAYLOR: Because of course, my husband was like, she's sleeping all day and she's like, not getting out of bed. And I didn't even realize, but at that point I was like, so tired.
I would nurse Charlotte and then just.
TAYLOR: Roll over and she'd be crying.
TAYLOR: And I was taking multiple showers a day because the heat was the only thing that helped. But, yeah, long story short, they wanted.
TAYLOR: To do a psych eval because they.
TAYLOR: Thought it was postpartum depression. They told us we were a young couple having a hard time navigating a.
TAYLOR: New baby and two children.
TAYLOR: And we.
TAYLOR: They sent us home. Even though I had lost consciousness and.
TAYLOR: They hadn't really done anything, they ran a drug screen on me.
TAYLOR: And.
TAYLOR: Yeah, so a few days later, Gail had come over to do check on us, and I guess I was just.
TAYLOR: Completely out of it.
TAYLOR: My husband had texted her at that point and was like, I just want to let you know, Taylor's really out of it.
TAYLOR: My husband's mom was here and her.
TAYLOR: And I had kind of had a.
TAYLOR: Falling out during my pregnancy.
TAYLOR: And she said she knew something was.
TAYLOR: Wrong when she offered to stay.
TAYLOR: My husband was supposed to go back to work this day, and she offered.
TAYLOR: To stay with me and I said yes.
TAYLOR: And so she was like, I knew something was wrong and I had just.
TAYLOR: Completely gone out of it.
TAYLOR: I thought I had taken a 10 minute shower. I had taken a two hour shower. I was laying on the ground and.
TAYLOR: My husband said he came in, the baby had been crying for an hour.
TAYLOR: I didn't even hear her. And so my midwife was like, I.
TAYLOR: Think you need to take her back to the hospital. And I don't even remember walking out to the car.
TAYLOR: I guess I was dragging my feet and I just kind of plopped in the car. And that's the last thing I remember.
And thank goodness for Gail because she called the midwives at the hospital and was like, something is wrong. Like, you need to do, like, this is neurological. You need to do a check on her.
And I got there again. Don't remember going in at all this time. Spencer pulled the car up, got a wheelchair. I was basically unconscious.
And we waited in the room for about five hours. I was begging for Tylenol.
TAYLOR: I was barely with it.
TAYLOR: Like, I guess I would wake up.
TAYLOR: For a minute, look around the room.
TAYLOR: And then I'd be out for an hour.
And they still hadn't brought me any Tylenol. And I'm someone that doesn't even like to take Tylenol or anything. And I'm just being poked and prodded. They're trying to get labs and I.
TAYLOR: Had asked to get in the shower because again, that was my only relief.
TAYLOR: And I got in the shower and then I don't remember getting out. And I guess my husband carried me out of the shower.
TAYLOR: And they had finally ordered imaging because they couldn't keep me conscious.
TAYLOR: And they came out and told my husband that I had a 6, almost 7 centimeter mass in my brain and that they were going to need to operate first thing in the morning.
But at that point I had started to honestly die and I was knocking on heaven's door.
TAYLOR: I.
TAYLOR: They said I was this close to not making it. And they rushed me in for emergency brain surgery. And when I woke up, I woke.
TAYLOR: Up and I still was intubated and.
TAYLOR: I had a tube in my throat. And I sat there for over an hour just trying to breathe through it.
TAYLOR: With tears running down my face.
TAYLOR: And it was super horrifying. But I was able to walk, talk.
TAYLOR: And eat an hour within having this brain surgery.
TAYLOR: And all I wanted to do was.
TAYLOR: Be home with my baby.
TAYLOR: But I was so happy to know that, like, I was okay. Like we figured out what was going on.
TAYLOR: And in my mind I'm like, okay.
TAYLOR: People have brain tumors all the time. No big deal. Like, everything's gonna be okay. And I was in the neuro ICU for about a week again.
TAYLOR: My brand new babies, at home with my mother in law, my toddlers with.
TAYLOR: My mom being woken up every two hours to have a check and be given meds. And I've got an IV and I found out that I have brain cancer. And so I just had this beautiful baby and was going for what they told me was postpartum depression and anxiety and got completely brushed off.
And now we're on this journey with.
TAYLOR: A brand new baby.
EMILY: So much, Taylor.
TAYLOR: So much.
EMILY: Yeah. Yeah. How many weeks postpartum were you when.
EMILY: You had the brain surgery the first time?
TAYLOR: I was three weeks postpartum.
EMILY: Three weeks. And Charlotte's, how Old right now.
TAYLOR: She is four months old today.
EMILY: So this is all so, so, so fresh. And, you know,
I'm really grateful to you for sharing your story because, again, it's all. You're in it right now. Like, really, really in it.
TAYLOR: Yep. But we're doing it.
TAYLOR: We're navigating it.
TAYLOR: And I think I'm very grateful for my girls because they make it a lot easier to be in the fight for them. And who knows if we would have found out about this if it wasn't for Charlotte.
And I can't believe that I grew and birthed two babies.
TAYLOR: They said that this tumor has to have been in my head for at least 10 years.
TAYLOR: So it just goes to prove how.
TAYLOR: Powerful the woman's body is.
TAYLOR: And, you know, they always tell you, like, women in comas can birth their babies, and I feel like a superhero.
EMILY: It's because you are.
TAYLOR: Yeah.
EMILY: It's literally because you are.
TAYLOR: Yeah.
EMILY: And that is also why Charlotte is a little miracle baby.
TAYLOR: She sure is.
TAYLOR: She sure is.
Thank goodness for her. And I tried to pump for a little while after having brain surgery in the hospital, and the lactation consultants there were absolutely amazing, but it just got to be too much.
And I was on all kinds of medications, and that was the last thing I wanted for her to be consuming.
TAYLOR: At the time as well.
TAYLOR: And I surrendered our breastfeeding journey. But I had a really good long run with Finley. Almost two and a half. Well, two years until Charlotte got here. And I think that made it a lot easier.
I would have been a lot more upset. And I had so many people in.
TAYLOR: Our community reach out and donate tons and tons and tons of breast milk. Emily had her freezers full for me.
EMILY: Oh, my gosh.
TAYLOR: That was.
EMILY: That was so much fuzzy. Or driving around the state collecting coolers of breast milk. There are so many beautiful women willing to donate. And of course we want clean breast milk.
No.
TAYLOR: Yeah. I didn't want to be too picky.
EMILY: But, you know, do at the same time.
Yeah. The community support has been absolutely phenomenal, and I hope it keeps coming. So I will absolutely link in the show notes, your GoFundMe. Do you still have your meal train?
TAYLOR: I started a new one recently. I'll send it to you. Yeah.
TAYLOR: Because I also decided to stop treatment and go the natural route. And we're going to put in a lot of work and defy all the odds.
EMILY: Yeah. Do you want to say anything more about that?
TAYLOR: Sure. Yeah.
TAYLOR: I don't like the word prognosis, but, you know, when it Comes to cancer.
TAYLOR: And doctors, it's always a big, scary thing.
TAYLOR: And this kind of cancer that I have, unfortunately, is an aggressive form of brain cancer.
And they grade brain tumors instead of staging it, because stages means how far.
TAYLOR: It'S spread throughout your body.
TAYLOR: And with this type of tumor, not fortunately, but fortunately it stays in the brain.
TAYLOR: It's usually just the brain and spinal cord. And so they grade your tumors.
TAYLOR: And originally they had told me it.
TAYLOR: Was a grade three and four is the worst.
TAYLOR: And we went and got a second opinion in Massachusetts because so many people.
TAYLOR: Had told me about their stories of.
TAYLOR: Going and getting better news. And unfortunately, we found out that the tumor was a little more progressed than what they had thought originally.
TAYLOR: And so I was given a prognosis of 10 years in the beginning to.
TAYLOR: Them saying that 20% of people survive.
TAYLOR: Two years after aggressive radiation and chemotherapy.
TAYLOR: And that basically, that's your only option.
And I just am someone who has kind of come to fear the medical system, especially after everything we've been through and how we were just kind of.
TAYLOR: Brushed under the rug during this whole journey. And I'm trying to have faith.
TAYLOR: And I had started treatment because I thought that I absolutely had to. And of course, out of fear. But after my first brain surgery, I ended up having a second surgery four months later.
I mean, four weeks later. And my surgeon was able to completely remove the rest of the tumor, which.
TAYLOR: He didn't think he was going to.
TAYLOR: Be able to do.
TAYLOR: And he told me he can't use.
TAYLOR: The words cured, but he told me there's absolutely nothing left in there. And so I had started chemo and radiation out of fear. I made it three out of the.
TAYLOR: Six weeks until I finally had this.
TAYLOR: Coming to moment of, I can't do this. This doesn't feel right.
TAYLOR: And I just decided to stop. And my oncologist, of course, was like.
TAYLOR: You feel yucky now. You're going to feel yucky when the tumor comes back. And that kind of made me a little angry. But I truly feel that the body knows how to heal itself.
And I just want to be here.
TAYLOR: And be present and live my life.
TAYLOR: And it's going to be a lot of work, not just doing anything, but. Yeah, so we're going to do this,
doing it with a newborn and a toddler. So. Wow.
EMILY: Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, my gosh, Taylor. I just.
Nobody can ever comment, judge, or anything unless they're, like, in that circumstance. I. I want to believe that I would be choosing the exact same thing that you're choosing right now.
If it were me in your shoes.
TAYLOR: Yeah.
EMILY: You know, trusting the body and being present with my babes and just, you know, filling myself up with all the positive love that you can possibly pour in while also facing the fear and the reality that we all one day will die.
And what does that look like? And what does your life mean? Like, what are you going to take with you when you go? And just,
you know, like birth and death, we hide them both away in the hospital. We don't talk about them. They're taboo topics. But it's. We all were born and we all die.
We don't know when that day will come. But you just have so many,
like, gifts swirling around you right now. So much medicine for people out there in the world and the way you share your journey and your experience online just so openly and candidly, and it's like,
yeah, thank you. It's incredible, Taylor. I'm really, really, really honored that you just live right up the road and that I get to be a part of this. This experience.
TAYLOR: Yeah, Yeah.
TAYLOR: I appreciate it.
TAYLOR: I couldn't do it without you.
EMILY: You do again, you have a. You have a beautiful support. You have a big church that you go to. What church do you go to?
TAYLOR: I go to Pathway Vineyard.
EMILY: Pathway Vineyard.
TAYLOR: Yeah.
EMILY: Yeah. And so you have a GoFundMe and then you have a meal train and then you have an Amazon wish list, I believe, right?
TAYLOR: Oh, yes.
TAYLOR: I had a couple people ask out to make a list of just, like, ongoing things that, you know, like toilet.
TAYLOR: Paper, paper towels, and.
TAYLOR: Yeah, stuff like that.
EMILY: Like, take whatever off your plate that you really don't need to be dealing with right now because you got enough.
Yeah. So I'll link all that stuff in the show notes. Thank you,
Taylor. I mean, we've, like, covered the full spectrum of. Of our lives here. Is there anything else that you want to share or say or at least drop your Instagram and Facebook?
TAYLOR: Oh, yeah. I don't even know. I think I changed my Instagram after. I have to double check it. I'll text it to you. I think it might be.
EMILY: Hold on.
TAYLOR: Wild Brain Cancer Mama Now, I don't.
TAYLOR: Know, because I kind of, you know, my whole. I love sharing on my Instagram and I was going to have it all about being postpartum and stuff, and it's.
TAYLOR: Kind of shifted into postpartum and just.
TAYLOR: Like brain cancer awareness and natural ways of healing. So, yeah, we'll have to double check.
EMILY: Is Taylor W underscore Wild Mama.
TAYLOR: Okay.
EMILY: And then you have for your name as Tay Wild brain cancer Mama.
TAYLOR: Okay. Yes. I was like, I know it's in there somewhere.
TAYLOR: So.
TAYLOR: Yeah.
TAYLOR: Just sharing the journey. And, you know, some days are harder.
TAYLOR: Than others, but you can literally do anything.
EMILY: Literally.
EMILY: Exactly.
EMILY: And, you know, just your experience of, like, having these very real, like, I'm, like, vomiting, I have a headache. I'm not well. Oh, it must just be, like, postpartum depression or, like, attention headache.
But, like, continuing to advocate for yourself is so crucial. And,
yeah. I mean, I saw your brain scans from right before you went in to have the surgery and then after. And, like, you. Your brain was literally like. Like, your brain was herniated.
TAYLOR: Yes.
TAYLOR: Herniating.
EMILY: Yeah. What a crazy experience. I'm so glad that there was a neurosurgeon on that night.
EMILY: Remember?
EMILY: Was he, like, not supposed to be on or something? Like, he.
TAYLOR: He was about to be clocking out. Yeah. And he decided to stay and do the surgery because he's like, you wouldn't.
TAYLOR: Have made it through the night.
EMILY: Yeah. Yeah.
TAYLOR: Yep.
EMILY: And here you are, literally well enough to be, like, smiling and telling your birthday stories.
TAYLOR: Yeah. It's incredible.
EMILY: It is. You were, like, messaging me and texting me right after your brain surgery, and I'm like, what?
TAYLOR: Sitting by the window. Like, we should be in the dark. What are you doing?
EMILY: Why is there light on?
TAYLOR: Like, yeah.
EMILY: Oh, my gosh.
EMILY: What a journey. All right, Ms. Taylor, I won't keep you any longer.
TAYLOR: I just.
EMILY: I appreciate you again coming on and sharing your story, and.
TAYLOR: Yeah, thank you for having me.
EMILY: Yeah.
EMILY: All right, we'll talk soon.
TAYLOR: All right.
Speaker F: Thank you for listening through to the end. I do hope you found good medicine in today's episode and that it encourages.
TAYLOR: Your own soul evolution.
Speaker F: I have a few new offers, both in person and virtual, that I'd like to tell you about. Beginning in January, I will host a free in person perinatal women's circle for anyone trying to conceive, pregnant or postpartum.
Seeking community and support. There will be a focus on preparing for natural birth and healing from birth trauma.
Children are welcome. You can sign up via my website.
I also now offer a monthly online virtual village circle for families seeking an empowering physiological conception, pregnancy, labor, birth, and postpartum. It's just $10 a month. Month or free when you purchase my online course.
So you want a home birth? You can gain access by signing up via my website.
As always, I host women's circles once a month at my home in Southern Maine. All women are welcome. For details, go to my website.
I have 20 years of experience in the medicalized system. I like My nursing license expire in 2023 and now I walk with women seeking a physiological, instinctual and deeply spiritual conception, pregnancy, labor, birth and postpartum journey.
I help prepare and repair for the most expansive rite of passage that women get to experience in this lifetime. It is my greatest honor and sole mission to hold sacred space and witness women as they claim their own inner authority and power.
I am a fierce advocate and guardian of natural birth using the culmination of my life's experiences including my own embodied wisdom when it comes to being a home birthing mother, nearly two decades of experience in our healthcare system and a year long sacred birth worker mentorship with Anna the Spiritual Midwitch.
I support births with or without a licensed provider present at home birth centers and the hospital.
I offer birth debriefing and integration sessions for women, their families and birth workers.
I offer therapeutic one to one sessions, individually tailored mother blessings, closing of the bones and fear and trauma release ceremonies.
If any or all of this resonates, I offer a free 30 minute discovery call.
If you have a birth story to share or if you're a embodied wise woman, witch healer, medicine woman, I am also interested in sharing your contribution to our soul evolution.
You can book in via the link in the show notes.
Thank you so much for your love and support everyone. Until next time, take really good care.
